What are the “first times” people applaud us for?
The first time we learn to walk.
The first time we master language.
The first time we learn to keep things neat and organised.
The first time we acquire a new skill.
The first time we achieve good grades.
The first time we stand on a podium.
The first time we receive an offer letter.
The first time we get a job.
The first time we get promoted.
But there are many first times that come without certificates, without flowers, without anyone even knowing they happened.
The first time we realise fairy tales and Santa Claus are not real.
The first time we accept that we are not special.
The first time we realise some people will never love us the way we love them.
The first time we allow ourselves to perform badly.
The first time we notice jealousy within ourselves and try not to let it turn into harm.
The first time we admit that we can be selfish, avoidant, and cowardly.
The first time we realise our parents are not all-powerful.
The first time we watch a friend collapse and realise we cannot save everyone.
The first time death is no longer a piece of news, but someone close to us.
And there are some first times that carry a quiet, hidden pain.
The first time we realise “home” is no longer a place.
The first time we return to a familiar relationship and feel like strangers.
The first time we feel lonely in the middle of a crowd.
The first time we realise childhood wounds do not heal automatically just because we grow up.
The first time we learn to suppress our emotions in order to study or work.
The first time we say, through tears, “I’m fine.”
The first time we realise that being “mature” is sometimes just long-term suppression.
The first time we notice ourselves becoming like our parents.
The first time we truly understand the meaning of “regret.”
And some first times are not even understood by others.
The first time we set boundaries, and people say we have become cold.
The first time we refuse someone, and people call us selfish.
The first time we stop trying to save everyone, and people say we have changed.
The first time we express our needs, only to be ignored.
The first time we stand against injustice, only to be labelled as different.
The first time we choose ourselves, and feel guilty for a long time because of it.
The world only records “how high you flew for the first time.”
But what is truly profound in life?
The first time you shattered, yet did not become cruel.
The first time you were betrayed, yet still chose to believe in love.
The first time you realised the world is not gentle, yet still chose to live gently within it.